🎬 Page 1 - Work in progress

The layout:

The thumbnails from Silvio:

My suggestions:

Silvio says a high-angle shot is difficult to do well, so here is another suggestion:

Thumbnails Silvio:

Silvio’s pencil:

My remarks :

  • In frame 3, finally I think it’s better with a background, as Silvio had done on the first sketch. I also believe that some text should be added. Ideas ? Maybe a poetic quote, like “Somewhere between the shadows”?
  • In frame 4, be careful not to wear a top hat, which is more of a posh outfit. At the funfair, we mainly see boater hats and some bowler hats (see photos here).

This pencil looks excellent to me. In box 3, the landscape is a little too fantastic to be real (especially for New Mexico), but it does not matter because, it can be seen as a dream of Josie.

Initially, I imagined this page without text. But if you have text ideas, don’t hesitate to suggest them.

For example an inner voice: “I don’t like eagles. It looks at you crawling in the dust like a worm, or agglutinating yourself in filthy cities. All that with an empty eye, without understanding anything, without realizing his luck. It’s stupid, an eagle.”

Or: "I have often had this dream. I hover in the limpid cold, high above the plains. The sharp wind carries me. On the ground below, flattened in the dust and mire, agitate vain creatures with insignificant motives, oblivious prisoners of a world of pretense. "

Here is a new version, with a Mexican landscape and some text:

The translation from French is probably not very good, please help!